Monday, January 18, 2010
Public Service Announcement to Men Everywhere
When you constantly adjust/itch/handle your junk in front of me, I automatically imagine that you have some sort of disgusting STD and that your business is covered in itchy, oozing bumps and that you are so totally uncomfortable that you can't wait to get into private to frantically itch your genetalia that will probably rot off at any moment.
My husband, who is well aware of my pet peve, has tried time and time again to explain the male need to readjust, but I just don't get it. So boys, when you adjust your junk in public, just know that I automatically assume you have the Clap* or something, so maybe we should work on that habit? Especially if you're trying to attract a mate? Because if she's anything like me, you have about a snowball's chance in hell of ever seeing her naked after itching your crotch in front of her.
*In writing this post, I actually researched the Clap on Wikipedia. It says it can cause projectile urination in women. Holy hell, I can't even imagine. I mean, how do you even manage that? God bless monogamy.