Monday, March 8, 2010

Stuff White People Like, And Your Little Dog Too Edition

For a while, I've been reading Stuff White People Like and I think I have a brilliant addition to their catalog as demonstrated tonight. My hypothesis: white people love to start fights at soft rock concerts.

Incident the First. It all began a few months back when a bunch of my friends and I went to a Jason Mraz concert at the Erwin Center. Without getting into too much detail to protect the reputations of the innocent, one group of friends managed to get into a fight at the concert. In said fight, one party punched the other party in the chest. Corollary to my thesis: white people like to start fights at soft rock concerts with a side of lame sauce. Seriously, who punches someone in the chest? And what is up with us white people who think we are so bad ass and aggressive and get up in each other's faces? Why are we so stressed out? It's not like the Man is holding us down or anything, we ARE the Man, man.  And did I mention it was at a Jason Mraz concert?

Incident the Second. Tonight we went to see John Mayer and during the encore a fight broke out in the row behind us. This fight was instigated by a girl about half my size who kept shoving, screaming, and flipping off a guy two times her size. In her defense, given her tiny frame and the 12 ounces of Bud Light she'd consumed through the course of the concert, she was probably wasted. But seriously people, we are at John Mayer, for heaven's sake. The man sings "Your Body is a Wonderland". I am wearing a top I bought at Nordstroms. The only way this scenario could get any whiter is if the concert was held at a Yacht Club instead of the Erwin Center. The girl kept shoving the guy over and over and over. Who shoves someone like 10 times without escalation? But I did respect the guy for not hitting a girl, though I would have liked to see him send her to the floor by pinching her shoulder or something in a Vulcan death grip. But I guess that only happens in the movies.

So I've seen (sort of) fights at both Jason Mraz and John Mayer. After these two concerts, there's really only one other I need to see a fight at to complete the Holy Trinity of white soft rock concert fights and that is none other than Jack Johnson, so I'm going to start scoping out his tour and assessing the potential of him playing the Erwin Center. And if a fight doesn't break out by the encore, I guess I'll have to throw down myself. I'll just have to be cautious to not wrinkle my Anne Taylor blouse in the process...

3 comments:

Vic said...

You crack me up! I love Stuff White People Like. For Christmas a couple years ago R & I both bought it for each other, imagine our surprise when it was time to open stockings. Hilarious.

Christine said...

I am ashamed... And I am white.

Emily said...

Simply hilarious.