Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Ruminations on My Week

Item the First:  My husband cannot stand it when I eat in bed.  I find eating in bed one of life's great guilty pleasures and have been known in my single days to pass out with refried beans stuck to my face and/or sheets.  My husband has exiled most of my DVR recordings to the bedroom DVR and has been working until my bedtime all week.  Ergo, by the commutative property, I have eaten ribs in bed all week while watching my shows.  Sorry husband, thems the breaks.  I also fed the dogs treats in bed.  It was an all out party.

Item the Second:  Dear Big Cruise Lines, please stop trying to convince me that cruises are fun.  Try this slogan on for size, "Cruises, better than being at work, but only slightly".  Christy does a great job in her recent post echoing my feelings about cruises.  Disclaimer: cruises are fun for families with kids, I went on one as a kid and had a blast, I would probably do it when we have a family, but for ages 21-35 with no kids, you'd be better off going to an all inclusive resort.  Unless you're Amish.  Or unaccustomed to fun.  Or spent the past year locked in an attic.  Or did I mention Amish?  Darryl occasionally is sucked in by the cruise commercial lies but I have thankfully always talked him down.  We are not cruise people.  Unless it's some sort of ultra glamorous European cruise that I can imagine but do not know about.  Or Alaska, I'd give that half a chance, but only if I was planning on giving my liver the week off or something.  But only if I'd come to terms with going another round with the Norwalk Virus that landed me in the ER a few years ago.  I mean, maybe you want to puke your guts out every 45 minutes (I did this 8 times before I tapped out and made Darryl take me in for IV fluids).  It's a diet AND a vacation.  My bad.  In defense of cruises, I picked mine up at Love Field or in a Southwest Airplane bathroom, it's hard to narrow it down. 

Item the Third:  Somewhat related to the last item, have you noticed on these cruise commercials (or resort ads in general) there's never a mom getting crazy.  It's always the family being amazed at how much dad has unwound or not checked his blackberry or going down a crazy water slide.  Mom's are never shown going wild (FYI, in case you were wondering where exactly moms go wild?  The answer is Napa, with other moms and no children or husbands, I had the pleasure of watching one puke on a wine tour a few years back and saw my future flash before my very eyes).  This is because women plan vacations and the advertising industry knows that.  Also, moms are crafty, they know if they get their husbands on cruises that the ship to shore calling rate is exorbitant, so they won't be able to spend the trip on the phone for work.  Hmm, perhaps these moms are onto something....

Item the Fourth:  Sometimes when I go on vacation I feel guilty about leaving the dogs at the kennel.  I am very concerned that if something should happen to us, what will become of the dogs?  Obviously I've worked out a plan with a level of thought and detail that people generally reserve for actual human children.  Any time anyone dog sits for us there are generally 3 pages of instructions.  And no, my dogs do not have any unusual medical conditions or behavior practices that the average dog owner could not handle.  Note that I have always planned to bear children, dump them on their grandparents, and jet off to Europe for a week.  Something tells me that this is going to be harder than I think, given that my human children will hopefully refrain from eating their own poop and farting on my 12 times a day (if they do, I'm sending them back).


Christy said...

"Cruises, better than being at work, but only slightly" <-- Hilarious! I love it!

d.a.r. said...

There is nothing remotely attractive sounding about a cruise. Nothing.

And I hate, hate, hate leaving my dogs to go on vacation! I am pathetic!

Natalie said...

OMG, I was laughing out loud at the refried beans comment. One time I woke up with a chocolate covered oreo gluing me to my sheets. :)

Kate said...

I actually think I might prefer work to a cruise so long as it was a work day where I got to stare at the interwebs and Gchat without interruption all day.

Yes. Yes, I would.